Lin Christianson's Journal|
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|Friday, February 3rd, 2012|
|Saturday, October 15th, 2011|
I look at my son sleeping, with his perfect toes and his sweet little face, and I know: although I have a lot to be grateful for, I've never had anything so precious in my whole life.
I daydreamed about his quiet, thoughtful, curious manner; his dark hair and blue eyes; his round cheeks and his great capacity for love.
And here he is. Fast asleep in my house.
Here he is, after years of suffering, and many great sacrifices.
Here he is, quietly sorting out this life right in front of my eyes.
He's dancing, he's giggling, he's bugging his sister, he's playing with cars.
He's going down the slide, he's running through the house, and he's speaking to me,
one fragile word at a time.
He folds his little arms for prayers, he helps me pick up toys, he pretends he's sleeping until it really happens.
He shows a reverence and a thoughtfulness far beyond his tender age.
My little child with stars in his eyes
He will grow, and lose his toddler face,
his cherub toes
and his stars will hide behind years of trials and life experience and wisdom, and I will see them only rarely.
But tonight as he sleeps, he is my darling. My perfect baby. And if all I ever did in my life was bring his kind, strong soul into this world, then it was time well spent.
|Wednesday, August 3rd, 2011|
|Been a while since I did poetry..
Sir Oliver the Brave
When my weary head is hanging
patience, lost; and strength, -the grave.
Who then comes charging to my aid?
Sir Oliver the Brave
Crash of dishes, broken will
Cries in anguish; sobbing still
He helps me gather all I gave
Sir Oliver the Brave
The world was cruel without him. A "family"; a dream.
Who bound my wounds, and villans stave?
Sir Oliver the Brave
When I was cleaving on for life,
My spirit, by a prayer
He took my hand and promised me
He'd always be right there.
They told me there aren't angels,
Nor faith, or knights who save
And I wasn't looking for armor,
But there: Sir Oliver the Brave.
Father my children
Dry my tears
Help me challenge all my fears
For you, I'd live a thousand years.
Through any strife
to be your wife. Current Mood: Husband working late
|Monday, April 4th, 2011|
|Sunday, August 1st, 2010|
I am so proud of my baby boy tonight.
We've been trying to do family prayer before bed every night, and that usually means the boy meanders around the living room while we pray. Tonight we probably would have forgotten, but Baby Brother came into the living room next to Oliver, sat down, and folded his little 15 month old arms, ready for prayer. I am blown away.
Even before I was pregnant, I knew this child would be a beacon for us.
Don't get me wrong, nobody is perfect. He's a baby. He pulls hair and grabs things he shouldn't, he cries when he wants something and can't have it, and he broke Oliver's favourite mug yesterday. Everyone is here to learn and grow, and my boy is no different.
But at the same time, I know we needed him to help us grow. All three of us. He ties us together and completes our family. He makes us whole.
He teaches Bina gentleness and sharing.
He teaches Oliver that he, through fatherhood, is truly a great man, and continues to grow greater each day.
And he teaches me that love is no respecter of time. To trust my heart. Which says I have always known him. I have always loved him like a brother I never had, before he was born... before I was born... and that we are finally bonded together now as mother and son, and we will be together always.
|Monday, July 26th, 2010|
A list of things I want to do in the next couple years that make me a total freak:
1. Find someone with some basic experience working in a vet clinic that will perform a humane, cosmetic surgery / skin graft on an infant angora/pygmy goat for me, uniting the immature horn buds in the center of the forehead so that it eventually grows a single horn in the center of its forehead. And I will name it "Gingerbread".
2. Create a cement statue of myself, lying down as if asleep, to be placed on top of my stone/concrete coffin when I die, like they do in all the LOTR/medieval/fantasy-type movies. (Hey it makes sense, why would I wanna do something like that when I'm 60? I'll take my nearly-30-yr-old concrete self over a version where my body has already gone to pot any day.)
3. Remodel my house to look like a small castle, complete with a dungeon/ crypt (hey, I already mentioned the furniture for that room) for a basement, at least one tower, crenelations or "battlements" like a fortress along the top, a streetlamp out front as a tribute to Narnia, a stone fence, a sliding bookshelf to reveal a secret passage, a portcullis, gothic windows, a fairy garden in the back yard, etc...
I guess that's the worst of it.
... Did I mention my husband and my 3yr old daughter might be going to jousting/knight camp next month?
Yes, we're eccentric. At the very least.
Sometimes it makes me nervous about meeting new people, because I'm afraid they'll brush me off, and sometimes when my husband mentions something weird about us that might raise eyebrows (he's pretty straight-forward about it), I deflect it, making it sound like we were humorously using an odd word to describe something actually normal, and Oliver just thinks I misunderstood what he was actually referring to, (which gives him time to re-think telling someone we just met what my burial plans are).
At least he's on board with all my crazy stuff. So is my daughter. And my son is only 1, but I can tell that if he's not into it, he'll be at least very tolerant of us. (He's a pretty patient, thoughtful little thing, and he's always happy spending time with us, rarely wandering off to do his own thing).
Yay! We're a unit! ;)
|Saturday, May 29th, 2010|
Also, the boy is waving bye-bye now, and when he's hungry, he picks up his empty bottle and hands it to me.
tonight, as I was getting Baby brother to sleep, Bina called for me, came out of her room, saw her baby brother half asleep on my shoulder, brought a finger to her lips, and tip-toed back into her bedroom. Wow. Current Mood: shocked
|Saturday, May 22nd, 2010|
Me and my boy.
|Sunday, May 2nd, 2010|
|wow. Mommy stuff.
Baby brother has been teething, and Oliver's sick. So I strapped the boy to me in the sling, and took him for a walk down to the craft store.
Where I learned that today was National Scrapbooking Day, and we won a free photo album! lol
I had come just to buy a little 'family' charm to glue to the new family tree picture frame we got at the thrift store. The album is perfect for Baby Brother. And now it has a gold fleur de lis pattern on it, and his name, and a little gold frame with his picture in it.
I'm still not sure if I genuinely like what I did, or if I've just made a mess. lol
And since Brandon and Amy were here, I've ordered the knitting book Amy was teaching me out of. There's a bear pattern in there I'm dying to make into a bunny for Bina. Oliver and I both had an image in our minds, when Bina was still very small, of our little girl dragging around a floppy bunny by one arm, (possibly an arm that has been replaced, lol) and this one fits.
Also inspired by Brandon and Amy, My Inside Out Diet book finally arrived, and I'm on day six. Still in the 'kind of irritable' stage. Poor husband.. poor Bina..
I will be feeling much, much happier soon! Detox of any kind is never fun.
I even made a list of all the things I wanted to eat, and when the diet allows, I'll go back over it, and only pick a couple things. Which will be a decided improvement over my typical "I'm not on my diet right now, bring on the chocolate!" stage, which always negates everything anyway.
But! This diet worked for Amy, and Jamie, and what I'm reading of it makes tons of sense, and has a lot of things in it I've heard before and agree with, -and it is not boring.
Day six of .. what, four weeks I think? I'm getting through!
|Wednesday, April 14th, 2010|
Oh, my baby boy turned 1 today.
(Yeah, when I thought I found our house on his 1st birthday, I thought maybe it was a miracle).
The party isn't until the weekend, so it doesn't exactly feel like his birthday yet, but it's made me think about how grateful I am to have him.
You know the whole corny "you complete me" thing?
Ever since he came along, I've felt like... we're finally all together now. I finally found my family.
I found this:
Two stories, Three bedrooms, two bathrooms, 2300 square feet.
Okay, I edited the picture, but ... not a whole lot. This was absolutely do-able. And well within our price range. And exactly where we were looking to buy a house.
I did email the realtor last night, but I still hadn't heard from him and I was so excited to have a look at it, I called him this afternoon to see when we could arrange for a showing, and he said it's been sold.
I dunno why it's still listed.
So this is the second time in the last few months I've spent days scouring the real estate website, finding a whole lot of nothing after nothing after nothing and almost giving up hope, when suddenly I stumble onto something so perfect, I couldn't have created it myself. And I think how great it'll be to raise my kids in that sweet little house, and not have to rent anymore, and make all of my husband's and my dreams come true
And then I get my heart broken.
I dunno how many more times I can do this.. Current Mood: a little broken-hearted
|Friday, April 9th, 2010|
Two short things:
Baby brother was really hungry, and after I gave him his bottle, it didn't go into his mouth straight away.
He babbled some two-syllable something first, and then popped it in.
After a minute I thought
"Was that a 'thank you'??" lol
The other thing is that Oliver took the babies to a fast food place with a play area so I could clean yesterday without them tugging on me every 2 minutes.
He says one little boy came in with a big scowl on his face, walked up to Bina, and shoved her pretty good.
What he didn't expect was that my little warrior princess got a big smile on her face and got all excited, and shoved him right back!
She thought it was a game. :)
I love my babies.
|Friday, March 26th, 2010|
So a few days ago, I had a dream, and in the dream, I had another dream; very like a vision. Pretty much an angel or a light telling me I was going to die in five days.
So in my dream, I woke up, and just kept on living my life, knowing, and being okay with the fact that it would all be over in five days.
When I actually woke up, I totally forgot all about it until much later. Like hours later, I think it was Sunday, and I was sick. As soon as I remembered the weird dream, I told Oliver about it, and even though I told him it was just a silly dream, inside another dream, Oliver seemed relieved that he has Fridays off, and he'd be here.
So.. yeah, um, I'm supposed to die today. The 'vision' felt like it applied only to my dream life for some reason, but the whole thing has made me think: If I were going to die in five days, what would I do differently? And to be perfectly honest, it hasn't changed a lot. Except that my anxiety is almost gone right now, and I took a little video of Baby Brother when he woke up all happy to see me one morning.
I don't know if the anxiety thing is because of my no-sugar diet, or if it's the realization that... there's not much I would change. I married a sweet, honest, affectionate man in the Lord's house, who loves me more than life. I had two strong, beautiful, healthy, clever children who come to church with us every week, and are always happy to see me.
My husband and I read and pray at night before bed, and usually fall asleep in each others' arms.
And ultimately, I think that's all I care about.
Even if I die today, our marriage was in the temple, and for eternity. Our children were "born in the covenant" and they are sealed to us. Death cannot take them away either, they are ours, always.
So I know it was just a dream, inside another dream, and maybe its only purpose was to help me realize all this. That what I do day after day is important to God, and to me.
But if it's my time to go before the sun comes up tomorrow, I trust God, and I'm ready to go.
See you in the morning. ;)
|Monday, March 22nd, 2010|
I love the new movie, The Princess and the Frog.
But one little thing makes no sense to me whatsoever.
So Tiana and her mom are looking around in the old sugar mill, and her mom wants her to settle down and get married and says "It's a shame; you working so hard" and "I want some grandkids!"
And I'm watching this, thinking
"Yeah, 'cuz everybody knows she gonna get a lot more sleep after she has some babies!" -whut? Current Mood: confused
Okay, now that the party craziness is over, and my head cold is gradually subsiding...
It finally strikes me as really weird that one of the little party guests continually referred to me as "Bina's Mom" Current Mood: amused
|Sunday, March 21st, 2010|
|Wednesday, March 17th, 2010|
I was just looking over pictures of Bina from the last three years.
And then I saw a new pic Oliver's aunt uploaded from his cousin's wedding. Baby Brother holding aunt Jenny's hand and walking in his little church outfit.
I know every mom feels this way, but..
Man! I have some beautiful babies!
And I mean that in a totally non-braggy way. Because it's not like you can turn a dial when you're pregnant, on your belly button, to make sure they turn out cute. I fully admit I had nothing to do with it. But I do feel pretty lucky!
|Tuesday, March 16th, 2010|
|Warning: Gross stuff only moms and nurses deal with
So Bina's been feeling a little off today. And Baby Brother just got over something that included diarrhea.
Both babies were in the tub, when I took Brother out.
Made him a bottle,
got him dressed for bed,
wrapped him up, etc...
I go back to Bina, and she's crying nervously and trying to clean out the tub she's still sitting in.
She um.. had an accident.
I told her it's okay, and she pulled the plug on the drain, still crying a bit..
And I turned on the sink and grabbed a glass and rinsed her off as best I could
At that point, I actually moved her into the sink, where I used to bathe Brother when he was too little to sit up by himself.
Bina is huge! The water leaked over the sides of the sink, she had one knee folded over the faucet, and the other tucked away under that.
Too much baby and not enough sink. lol
Anyway, I cleaned her off really good, wrapped her in a towel and sat her in her little plush throne in front of Gummi Bears on her TV, and then on my way back to the bathroom I grabbed two plastic grocery bags, a roll of paper towels, and a bottle of clorox.
The tub looks pretty now.
... and my hair smells like clorox.
|Friday, March 12th, 2010|
Stolen from swampfaye
-(hope you don't mind! It was too awesome not to share!:)
"Real love is doing things you don't really want to do because it will ease the burdens of the one you love. It is doing things that are not convenient or easy when you are weary because the person you love is even more weary.
That's what real love is."